10 Things Cats Don't Understand

1. Balancing Objects
For animals with a great sense of balance, cats really don't understand balance at all. Instead, they think that a folder precariously balanced on a ledge would make a good place to sprawl out on and take a nap. Good thing cats always land on their feet.

2. Computer Keyboards
My keyboard doesn't look like a sidewalk. It doesn't look like the floor either. So stop trying to walk on it.


3. Boobs
My boobs don't look like the sidewalk. They don't look like the floor either. So stop trying to walk on them while I'm trying to sleep.


4. It isn't cute when you do that kneading thing on a person's leg because even though you think it's a sign of affection you're actually just stabbing us over and over.
It hurts.

5. Human Food
If it's on a counter, table, plate,  or in a cup... It's mine.

6. Swatting your paw at my dog will not make her go away.
It will just make her want to hang out with you even more because now it looks like you are throwing a ball and want to play fetch.

7. Shoelaces are not a threat.
"Woah!  Did you see the size of that snake? Sucker was HUGE! It's hiding on your shoes and trying to blend in.. I'm gonna catch it! Don't worry, Camille's feet, this monster won't lurk in your shoes for long!"  -My cat.

8. Love
Stop worrying, Cat. I'm petting your head, not strangling you. Please stop scratching me now, people are starting to think I'm emo.


9. Laser Pointers
That tiny red dot is a tiny red dot, not something you can eat, not something that's going to eat you, and not a tiny demon sent here to mock you for being an inadequate hunter because you can't catch light.


10. Night Time
It's for sleeping. Not trying to scale walls. I promise.